This entry is for Sternchen Lain who passed away on May 16, 2009 in the morning.
She was ill since a few months already. She was diagnosed with tumors in her belly in January. Since I stopped writing online journal this year, no one knew but my closest friends and family. I did not want to talk about it either, this diagnosis was final and there was nothing to talk about.
I decided to make her the best life I could for the rest of her days. The vet could not tell me if she had a month or a year left - it turned out she had about 4 months to be with Boo and myself. I bought the best food I could get the past months, all the bunny specials you can think of and a lot of green leaves she loved to eat so much.
About a week before she died, she started to feel bad. It was kind of all of a sudden that she could absolutely not hop anymore. Her breathing was harder too. Boo started to go crazy and annoy Lain to make her move. So I had to keep Lain outside the cage most of the time under my Hello Kitty table inside a nest made of towels and blankets. I think she liked that extra attention.
Her belly had grown so big and she had become so skinny that she made a weird image of a bunny but cute still. She looked like she needed protection with that shape and I did my best to give her that. At the time she started to feel worse I visited the vet. I had to decide weather to put her to sleep ;__; or to try my best with painkillers so she could die at my home instead. I chose the latter.
So I went home with her and heavy painkillers in my bag for 7 days, it turned out she survived 5 of them and a few hours. The painkillers made everything better for her. She ate (which was my main reason to make her stay alive - if she had stopped eating, it would have been a sign she did not want to live anymore - but she wanted to live, she ate) and ate and ate, mostly as many cucumbers und salad as she could get into her belly. I think she ate about 4 large cucumbers within her last days.
We had a beautiful last week, even though I was sad I tried to play normal. I think I made a good job on that. On Friday night she started to feel very very bad, her ears turned cold, I felt her time had come. She had barely eaten and I considered to go the vet the next morning, in case she would feel that bad still.
The next morning came and it was the first night she had not touched her food. The vet opens at 10am so I decided to be with Lain until that time had come. But luckily I did not have to go to the vet with her anymore. I still had about one hour with her in peace. I cuddled her, talked to her, warmed her ears and body and made her feel as fine as I could. And then she simply passed away. Very silently, very peacefully and very quickly. I had enough time to kiss her goodbye. And I was very happy her death came naturally when I could be by her side.
That is what happened on Saturday. I owe this entry to Lain very much. I love her and miss her. But I also know that Komet was already waiting for her and they are now together again.
I miss you Sternchen Lain.
You are loved and will never be forgotten. <3
shiricki 
05:31 PM 
